Chuck Norris is a famous martial artist and actor. Aside from acting, he’s known for memes and jokes. Read the funniest Chuck Norris jokes.
Chuck Norris is a legend. He was known for the battle with Bruce Lee in the Way of the Dragon and his TV show, Walker, Texas Ranger.
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He has a tough-guy reputation, which is enhanced with humor.
The following are the best Chuck Norris jokes. They’re short, to-the-point, and memorable.
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Funny Chuck Norris jokes
1. The flu has to get Chuck Norris shots every year.
2. When Chuck Norris peels onions, only the onions cry.
3. Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
4. There’s no theory of evolution. There’s only a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.
5. Dinosaurs once crossed Chuck Norris. Once.
6. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
7. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
8. Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
9. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
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10. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
11. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
12. When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn’t push himself up. He’s pushing the Earth down.
13. When Chuck Norris calls, your phone doesn’t give you the option to decline.
14. Chuck Norris caused global warming. He was cold, so he turned the sun up.
15. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
16. Chuck Norris doesn’t need a weapon. He is one.
17. The Boogeyman checks his closet every night for Chuck Norris.
18. When Chuck Norris gets bitten by a zombie, the zombie becomes Chuck Norris.
19. Chuck Norris hit 11 out of 10 targets with nine bullets.
20. In an emergency, 911 calls Chuck Norris.
21. Chuck Norris was in all the Star Wars movies. He was the force.
22. Once, Chuck Norris kicked the Earth. Since then, it hasn’t stopped spinning.
23. Chuck Norris doesn’t get frostbite. He bites frost.
24. Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.
25. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
26. Santa Claus was real until he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris.
27. Chuck Norris can find the end of a circle.
28. If Chuck Norris doesn’t want a beard, he won’t have one. It’ll be scared to grow.
29. Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
30. Chuck Norris can tie shoes with his feet.
31. The universe is always expanding. It’s trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
32. Chuck Norris spices up with food with pepper spray.
33. Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
34. Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
35. When Chuck Norris went to court, the judge pleaded guilty.
36. Chuck Norris can lift a chair while sitting on it with one hand.
37. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
38. Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
39. When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.
40. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
41. Chuck Norris can speak Morse code.
42. Once, Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
43. When nature calls, Chuck Norris hangs up.
44. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix cube, and it comes out solved.
45. While traveling in France, Chuck Norris went for a casual ride on his bicycle and accidentally won the Tour de France.
46. When Chuck Norris looks at a volcano, it becomes dormant.
47. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
48. A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
49. Aliens are real. They’re just hiding from Chuck Norris.
50. When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
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51. Chuck Norris is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
52. Ghosts tell Chuck Norris stories around the campfire.
53. When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor asked him to name his parents.
54. When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get in shape.
55. Once, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a coal mine and turned it into a diamond mine.
56. Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as “You Know Who”.
57. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
58. The Swiss Army uses Chuck Norris knives.
59. When police officers approach Chuck Norris, they say, “We have the right to remain silent.”
60. Chuck Norris can stop an earthquake.
61. Chuck Norris found the last digit of pi.
62. If Chuck Norris was on The Titanic, the iceberg would’ve dodged the ship.
63. Once, Chuck Norris bowled a perfect game with a marble.
64. Chuck Norris went skydiving once but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
65. Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
66. Chuck Norris can fight himself and win.
67. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
68. Once, Chuck Norris donated blood to a man. That man is now Superman.
69. Chuck Norris can make a sloth run.
70. Chuck Norris eats Chick-fil-A on Sundays.
71. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
72. Mistakes learn from Chuck Norris.
73. Chuck Norris can strangle someone with a cordless phone.
74. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
75. Chuck Norris doesn’t have a chin behind his beard. He has another fist.
76. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo’s hiding.
77. Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
78. Chuck Norris drove his mom home from the hospital after he was born.
79. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
80. Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet. He scares the crap out of it.
81. Chuck Norris doesn’t turn the lights on. He turns the dark off.
82. Once, Chuck Norris went to Mars. That’s why there’s no sign of life.
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83. Giraffes are the result of Chuck Norris uppercutting a horse.
84. Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number. You pick up the wrong phone.
85. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
86. It’s not that Chuck Norris has good aim. His bullets know better than to miss.
87. Chuck Norris plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver and wins.
88. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
89. Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe. He holds air hostage.
90. When Chuck Norris looked into the abyss, the abyss looked the other way.
91. Chuck Norris plays Jenga with Stonehenge.
92. When Chuck Norris went to college, he told his father, “You’re the man of the house now”.
93. When lightning strikes Chuck Norris, the sky gets a scar.
94. When Chuck Norris was in school, the teacher had to raise their hand to talk to him.
95. When Chuck Norris steps on a Lego, the Lego cries.
96. The Dead Sea was alive until Chuck Norris swam in it.
97. Chuck Norris doesn’t climb trees. He pulls them down and walks on top of them.
98. When Chuck Norris falls in the water, he doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
99. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
100. The Great Wall of China was created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
101. Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
102. Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
103. Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.
104. Chuck Norris doesn’t take out the trash. The trash throws itself out.
105. Tornadoes are a result of Chuck Norris punching the wind.
106. Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death. He wins fair and square.
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Featured image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.