Funny toasts are an excellent way to enhance any party or evening out. You can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful.
A toast is a sign of honor and goodwill. It’s a way to unify a group, mark a special occasion, or acknowledge someone.
Toasts date back to Ancient Greece as a ritual and drinking to each other’s health.
Today, toasts are for parties, weddings, gatherings, and events. Some are more casual, while others are formal.
Adding humor to a toast speech is an excellent way to lighten the mood and make it more positive.
The following are funny toasts that’ll make everyone laugh.
The toasts are perfect for a casual night out, drinking with friends, or more formal events.
The best funny short toasts
1. May we be who our dogs think we are.
2. Here’s to the long and straight piece in Tetris.
3. Here’s to bread because, without bread, there’s no toast.
4. Here’s to those who wish us well. All the rest can go to hell.
5. Here’s to being naughty and saving Santa a trip.
6. Here’s to taking everything in moderation, including moderation.
7. Here’s to the floor. It’ll hold you when no one else will.
8. May we all have the chance to prove that money can’t make us happy.
9. May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows we’re dead.
10. May our children be blessed with rich parents.
11. Here’s to staying positive and testing negative.
12. May the wind at your back always be your own.
13. Over the teeth and over the gums. Look out stomach, here it comes.
14. Here’s to all the days that end in Y.
15. Here’s to clean glasses and old corks.
The most funny toasts for drinking
1. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
2. May your net worth be like Ireland’s capital, always Dublin.
3. Life’s a waste of time and time’s a waste of life. Let’s get wasted all the time and have the time of our life.
4. Alcohol may be a man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy.
5. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. But the ocean’s not beer, and I’m not a duck. So, let’s drink these pints and get messed up.
6. Here’s to the fall of the Roman Empire. May ours be just as memorable.
7. It’s better to be a well-known drunk than an anonymous alcoholic.
8. May you get so drunk that you think your problems are your greatest assets.
9. Here’s to working like you don’t need money, loving like you’ve never been hurt, and dancing like nobody’s watching.
10. Here’s to hell. May the stay there be as fun as the way there.
11. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst. The second is for nourishment. The third is for pleasure, and the fourth is for madness.
12. Drink to a fair woman, who, I think is the most entitled to it. For if anything drives men to drink, she certainly can do it.
13. I used to know a clever toast, but now I cannot think of it. So, fill your glass with anything and damn your souls, I’ll drink it.
14. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer, both great and small. Little fools drink too much, and great foods not at all.
15. Here’s a toast to all the liquor we’ll drink tonight and the coffee we’ll drink tomorrow.
16. Here’s to you. You may not be as wise as an owl, but you’re always a hoot.
Funny toasts for friends
1. Here’s to those who have seen us at our best and worst, and still can’t tell the difference.
2. Here’s to champagne for our real friends and real pain for our fake friends.
3. I drank to your health in company. I drank to your health alone. I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own.
4. Here’s to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single.
5. Here’s to your liver. May it live as long as you last.
6. Here’s to a long life and a merry one, a quick ending and a happy one, a good girl and a pretty one, a cold bottle and another one.
7. Here’s to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking.
8. Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that.
9. Here’s to your good health. May you live to be as old as your jokes.
10. May we never meet a friend coming down when climbing the hill of prosperity.
11. Here’s to the nights we’ll never remember with the friends we’ll never forget.
12. Here’s to Dame Fortune. May she smile upon you. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune.
13. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know.
Funny toasts for weddings
1. May you always remember to fight with two words, “Yes, dear.”
2. Here’s a toast to the happy couple. Thank you for buying us all dinner today.
3. Here’s to marriage. The only war where you sleep with the enemy.
4. Here’s to love for which there is no cure except to marry.
5. Love is blind, but marriage is the eye opener.
6. Here’s to love, laughter, and happily ever after. Also, to these two beauties who paid for the free bar!
7. May your love last forever and be longer than the last sunset.
8. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks, and the woman listens. In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks, and the man listens. In the third year of marriage, they both speak, and the neighbors listen. Cheers!
9. The two secrets to a long-lasting marriage are a good sense of humor and a short memory.
10. Here’s to a love that never grows old. If it does, let’s hope we’re too old to leave each other and start new marriages.
11. Here’s to the three rings of marriage, the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
12. When researching what makes a great best man toast, one piece of advice really stuck out. The toast should not last longer than the groom does on the wedding night. To the bride and groom!
Funny toasts from movies and TV shows
1. “Let’s drink two and see where it goes.” -Han Solo
2. “Here’s to the husbands who’ve won you, the losers who’ve lost you, and the lucky bastards who’ve yet to meet you.” -Nick Mercer
3. “Here is to good luck. May it all be mine.” -Sheik
4. “I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that some psychopath was trying to break the two of you up. Luckily, I woke up, and I see that the world is just as it should be. For my best friend… has won the best woman.” -Julianne Potter
5. “I am as ever in bewildered awe of anyone who this kind of commitment that Angus and Laure have made today. I know I couldn’t do it and I think it’s wonderful they can.” -Englishman Charles
6. “May our hearts remain as cool as this champagne.” -Maurice Chevalier
Related: Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh
Featured image by David Em/Box of Puns.