The Best Little Johnny Jokes in 2024


Little Johnny is the main character in a lot of jokes. He’s a small boy who makes embarrassing statements and asks naive questions.

Little Johnny has a lot of funny adventures and experiences.

His concise way of thinking, naivety, and sometimes inappropriate statements, makes him hilarious.

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The following are the best Little Johnny jokes and stories to make you laugh until you cry.

Some will also include his female counterpart, Susie or Sally.

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Graphic of little boy raising his hand.
Photo by David Em/Box of Puns.

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Hilarious little Johnny jokes

1. Little Johnny asked the teacher, “Can I be punished for something I haven’t done?” The teacher replied, “Absolutely not! That would be unfair.” Johnny is relieved. He replies, “Oh, good to know because I didn’t do my homework.”

2. Little Johnny’s class went on a field trip to the local police station. The police officer showed the class pictures of the ten most wanted people. On the way out, Johnny said to the officer, “It’s nice of you to put my daddy’s picture up there.”

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3. The teacher asked, “How far did you get with your homework, Johnny?” Little Johnny replied, “About 5 miles. I went home with it, and now I’m back.”

4. The teacher says, “Class, stand up if you’re dumb.” No one stands up. The teacher says, “Come on. I know someone on the left side of the room is dumb.” Then, little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, “Johnny, you think you’re dumb?” He replies, “No, I just feel bad that you’re standing alone.”

5. Little Johnny is back at school after summer vacation. On the third day of school, his teacher calls his dad to report his bad behavior. Johnny’s dad says to the teacher, “Hang on a minute. I’ve had Johnny at home for two months and never called you when he misbehaved.”

6. Little Johnny told his friends about when he used to pray for a bike. Since he didn’t get one, he decided to steal one and pray for forgiveness instead.

7. Little Johnny’s new baby brother won’t stop crying. He asks his mom, “Where did we get him?” His mom replies, “He came from heaven.” Johnny says, “Oh wow, I see why they threw him out.”

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8. Little Johnny got his first job. His boss shouted, “Johnny, come to my office right now!” Johnny said, “Yes sir.” His boss said, “A customer said you said I was a stupid idiot. Is that true?” Johnny said, “The customer said you were, and I agreed.” His boss asked, “Why would you agree?” Johnny said, “You told me the customer is always right.”

9. The teacher asks the class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says, “I will follow my father’s footsteps and become a police officer.” The teacher says, “Johnny, I didn’t know your father is a police officer.” Johnny explains, “He isn’t. He’s a burglar.”

10. The teacher asks little Johnny, “If there are three birds on the fence and you shoot one, how many are left?” Johnny replies, “None.” The teacher says, “You don’t understand math.” Johnny says, “You don’t know birds. If you shoot one, the others will fly away.”

11. The teacher asked little Johnny, “Tell a sentence using the word geometry.” Johnny replies, An acorn fell on the ground and grew over the years. One day it said, ‘Gee, I’m a tree.'”

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12. While grading the homework assignment, the teacher notices little Johnny’s essay about the family pet is the same as his sisters. So, the teacher asks, “Johnny, why did you copy your sister’s homework?” Johnny replies, “I didn’t! We have the same pet.”

13. Little Johnny went trick-or-treating as a pirate for Halloween. A sweet old lady asked him, “Where are your buccaneers?” Johnny replies, “Under my buccan-hat.”

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14. Little Johnny went to the store and tried to buy a toy car with Monopoly money. The cashier said, “I can’t take this. It’s fake money.” Johnny replies, “Well, this is also a fake car.”

15. The teacher asks the class, “If you get ten dollars from ten people, what do you have?” Little Johnny says, “A new bike.”

16. The teacher catches little Johnny cheating on a test and says, “I hope I didn’t see you looking at Susie’s test.” Johnny replies, “I hope you didn’t see me either.”

17. The teacher asks, “What’s an island?” Little Johnny replies, “A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side.” The teacher is confused and says, “On one side?” Johnny says, “Yes, on top.”

18. Little Johnny gets bored at church every Sunday. This week, Johnny leans over to his mom and whispers, “Can we go home now if we give him money right away?”

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19. A Sunday school teacher asks the class, “Where’s Jesus today?” Michael raises his hand and says, “He’s in heaven.” Martha says, “He’s in my heart.” Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and says, “He’s in our bathroom!” The teacher is surprised and asks, “How do you know Johnny?” Little Johnny says, “Every morning, my father gets up and bangs on the bathroom door. Then, he yells, ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'”

20. In little Johnny’s English class, they were learning about punctuation. When they got to periods, Johnny asked, “Why are periods so important?” The teacher explained it to him and asked why he wanted to know. He said, “When my sister told us that she missed her period, my father began yelling, and my mother passed out.”

21. The teacher asks the class, “Does anybody know what we call a person who keeps talking when nobody is interested?” Little Johnny blurts out, “Yes, a teacher.”

22. Little Johnny walks into class 15 minutes late. The teacher says, “Johnny, you’re late to class again.” Johnny replies, “But, you said it’s never to late to learn.”

23. The teacher asks Susie to find America on the map. Susie says, “Here it is!” The teacher says, “Very good, Susie. Now, Johnny, can you tell me who discovered America?” Johnny says, “Susie did!”

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