Whether you’re in the real estate industry, buying, or selling a house, you’ll love reading the best and most hilarious real estate jokes.
Funny real estate jokes
1. Why are Realtors excellent at planning vacations?
They know the importance of location, location, location.
2. What does a British real estate agent value?
Proper tea.
3. How does a dual agent sleep?
First, they lie on one side. Then, they lie on the other.
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4. What’s the best line for a real estate agent to share at an open house?
I’m no photographer, but I can picture you in this house.
5. Why did the sellers decide to keep their house?
The real estate agent did such an amazing job describing it.
6. Why did the real estate company hire the periodic table elements?
They have a lot of properties.
7. How much do you need to know to sell land?
Lot’s.
8. What kind of real estate agent shouldn’t you mess with?
The one that flips houses.
9. What does a house wear?
Address.
10. Did you hear about the last unit that’s available in the new apartment building?
It’s last, but not leased.
11. Why’s it good to have listings with finished basements?
They’re the best cellars.
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12. What kind of house do truckers prefer?
One with long haul ways.
13. What’s the best way to make a million dollars in real estate?
Start with two million.
14. What’s a mortgage broker?
A real estate agent without a sense of humor.
15. How many insects do you need to make money from a rental property?
Ten-ants.
16. Why should you pay attention to lawn signs during election campaigns?
So you don’t end up voting for a real estate agent.
17. Why did the house visit a doctor?
It had a windowpane.
18. Why don’t real estate companies go out of business?
They’re never out of commission.
19. What do you call a detective in real estate?
Sherlock Homes.
20. What kind of building weighs the least?
A lighthouse.
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21. What does a real estate agent say during the holidays?
For lease Navidad.
22. What kind of music do real estate agents play when showing a listing?
House music.
23. Why did the new real estate agent go on a boat?
He was a sailors agent.
24. What type of mortgage do pirates get?
An Arrr-m.
25. Why did the real estate agent read a purchase and sale agreement out loud?
It was a PSA.
26. What did the real estate agent say to their spouse?
You have a lien on my heart.
27. What happens when you get engaged to the best real estate agent?
He sells you the engagement ring.
28. Why won’t you make much money as a real estate agent in Mexico?
The managing brokers don’t peso much in commissions.
29. What does a real estate agent show a rude client?
Manors.
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30. Why couldn’t the baseball stadium be appraised?
The appraiser could only give a ballpark estimate.
31. How do real estate agents greet each other?
Hey, house it going?
32. Why do graveyards want to leave the real estate business?
Cemeteries are a dying business.
33. Why did the real estate agents walk into a door?
They tried to do a walk-through.
34. What four-letter word do real estate agents use when a deal falls through?
Next.
35. What’s the best way to find out where your property line is?
Watch the neighbors mow their lawn.
36. What caused the house to celebrate its owners?
Appreciation.
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37. Why did the real estate agent hesitate to move to an Egyptian real estate company?
They were concerned that it was a pyramid scheme.
38. Why did the real estate agent put a bee in the clients hand?
Beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
39. What’s the study of real estate?
Home-ology.
40. Why don’t real estate agents read novels?
The only numbers in them are page numbers.
41. Why shouldn’t you ghost a real estate agent?
They need closure.
42. What kind of monster eats houses?
God-Zillow.
43. What type of real estate transaction do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
44. Which real estate agent is also the God of Thunder?
Real-Thor.
45. What’s the best way to remember that people care about you?
Miss a mortgage payment.
46. What does a real estate agent on a first date have in common with a first-time homebuyer?
They’re nervous but thrilled.
47. What does an appraiser’s wife say if she can’t fall asleep?
Honey, tell me about your day.
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Featured image courtesy of Canva.