45+ Getting Old Jokes (Funny Jokes for Seniors)


As you get older, you don’t need to become so serious. Take life lightly and laugh. Read the funniest jokes about getting old.

Getting old is a fact of life, and no one can avoid it.

Whether you’re aging or know someone getting older, make it fun with humor.

Related: The Best Riddles for Kids and Adults

Also, laughter has many mental benefits, such as stress reduction (Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine).

So, take the grey hairs, wrinkles, and old age lightly.

The following are the funniest getting-old jokes for seniors.

Related: Funny Trivia Questions and Answers

Old woman sitting down and wearing sunglasses with her hands up.
Photo courtesy of Canva.

The best getting old jokes

1. What do stars and dentures have in common?

They both come out at night.

2. What defies the law of gravity?

Your age because it goes up but never comes back down.

3. How do you know you’re old?

It’s your birthday, and there are more candles than cake.

4. I’m not getting old…

I’m becoming a classic.

5. What was an old person’s first pet?

A T-Rex.

Related: Roaring Dinosaur Puns

6. Do you know what it means when someone says you’re aging gracefully?

You’re slowly looking worse.

7. What happens as you get older?

It gets late earlier.

8. I knew I was old when…

My grandson got the same shoes as me because they’re retro.

9. The older I get…

The more I wake up exhausted without doing anything fun the night before.

10. Why shouldn’t you wear glasses as you get older?

You won’t see wrinkles when you look in the mirror. Everything looks nice and smooth.

11. Every year on my birthday, I remember…

That I’m one year closer to being back in diapers.

12. What happens to your blood type when you get really old?

It gets cancelled.

13. Why did Bob’s wife get frustrated after he retired?

She got twice as much Bob on half as much pay.

14. How is life like toilet paper?

The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

15. Why should you marry someone your age?

As your good looks fade, so will their eyesight.

16. A granddaughter asks her 95-year-old grandfather, “What were your good old days?”

The grandfather replied, “When I wasn’t good or old.”

17. Why should seniors take it easy on their birthday?

Doctors would agree that too many can kill you.

18. How do you get away with things when you’re old?

Call it a senior moment.

19. Why is age a relative thing?

All your relatives keep reminding you how old you are.

20. What does a senior name their new ranch?

Pasture Prime.

21. What kind of prize do you get as you age?


22. Why should you eat processed foods as you age?

You’ll need all the preservatives you can get.

Related: The Best Anti-Jokes

Old age one-liners

1. You’re so old that I heard your social security number is 000-00-0005.

2. You’re so old that your back goes out more than you do.

3. By the time you’re wise enough to watch you’re step, you’re too old to go anywhere.

4. A diplomatic man remembers his wife’s birthday but not her age.

5. Congratulations on being able to cough, fart, sneeze, and pee at the same time.

6. My doctor told me to start exercising so I joined aerobics for seniors. I jumped, bent, and twisted for an hour. By the time I put on my outfit, the class was over.

7. Don’t stop looking until you’ve searched every nook and granny.

8. An old magician gets geri-hat-tricks.

9. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is holding onto the safety bar in the bathroom.

10. Old age isn’t bad. Just consider the alternative.

11. Getting older is like living in a haunted house. There are a lot of noises and smells you can’t explain.

12. Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.

13. Happy birthday! At least you’re not as old as you’ll be next year.

Old age one-liner.
Photo by David Em/Box of Puns.

14. When you’re old, the doctor tells you to slow down, not the police.

15. I think this is the year you should start lying about your age.

16. You have wisdom-highlights, not grey hairs.

17. Why am I getting older and wider instead of wiser?

18. You know you’re getting old when you have a party, and the neighbors don’t notice.

19. The shortest will ever written said, “Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.”

20. I got carded at the bar. As I was taking out my ID, my Blockbuster card fell out. The bartender said, “Never mind.”

21. In wine or whiskey years, you’re becoming more delicious.

22. At this age, the only joint you’re rolling is your ankle.

23. You’re old that the Dead Sea was only sick when you were born.

24. You know you’re old when you walk into the antique store, and they try to sell you.

25. I’m not old. I’m a recycled teenager.

Related: The Best Little Johnny Jokes

Portrait of David Em.

About David Em

David Em is the founder of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life.